Your Guide to a Minimalist Wedding
Along with many of you, I have been devastated for 2020 brides and grooms, as I’ve seen many have to either change their wedding plans drastically to accommodate a smaller crowd or postpone their wedding altogether. And yet, I’ve heard stories of brides who were forced to reduce many aspects of their wedding, and surprisingly found it to be exactly what they always dreamed of.
Under the guidelines for gatherings implemented by the CDC and local and state governments, many have downsized their wedding in both the scale of the production and the number of guests on the list. Some have eloped in secluded destinations, many have hosted small intimate gatherings with family and their closest friends, and others have legally married with plans for a future large-scale gathering down the road.
I’ve heard stories floating around the Internet (and in personal conversations) of couples reporting back with rave reviews about a more stripped-down version of the traditional wedding we’ve all grown accustomed to. They expressed gratitude for an opportunity to spend more quality time with their closest loved ones, as opposed to mingling with hundreds of people for 30-second time slots. And on a more practical scale, they’ve reported significant cost savings.
While many aspects of life will return to “normal” in the coming years, maybe this more simple wedding is something we’ll ultimately hang onto.
A former staff writer at The Atlantic, Ashley Fetters, contributed this article in light of the pandemic, which makes the case that smaller, intimate ceremonies might persist well after big parties are safe once again.
“In the months and years ahead, couples who might have otherwise opted for the whole enchilada might model their own wedding day after friends’ or relatives’ small ceremonies and elopements,” Fetters writes. “Small wedding ceremonies could, in other words, become more common not just for health reasons, but because coziness and intimacy might organically become trendy.”
She goes on to say that the reason may be financially motivated, as this year has taken quite the toll on economics on both a personal and global scale.
“Some couples might not have a choice about whether to throw a big party at all. The pandemic has already been financially devastating for people all over the country; big, lavish weddings might start to seem like even more of an unnecessary extravagance than they did before. ...And while weddings have long been famously expensive for the marrying couple and their families, they’ve also grown expensive for their guests and members of their wedding parties. Especially when many Americans are financially struggling, the requirement to hold smaller, simpler, cheaper weddings could come as a relief.”
A few examples of small, intimate weddings come to mind for me. This year, I watched several people (from a distance) handle this challenging time as a bride with grace and creativity. Here are just a couple...
Krista + Ryan Mandrell
My friend, Krista, and her husband held a small ceremony in a wheat field in the Tri Cities with their closest people in June. The end result is pure magic — filled with wildflowers, dancing, champagne, and breathtaking scenery. Catch a glimpse of the magic by watching this video of the ceremony, captured by another friend of mine, Jenna Tormanen.
Meaghan + Dylan Cox
The Director of Brand Creative at Jenni Kayne, Meaghan Cox (who I slightly know through mutual friends growing up in Seattle!), and her husband Dylan, held an impeccably styled wedding on a beautiful bluff overlooking the water on Whidbey Island. They had originally planned on a wedding with more than 150 people but revised it to include just 25 of their closest friends and family. They all worked together to cook the dinner and set the table (with Jenni Kayne products aplenty, of course), and the party ultimately ended with dancing at a house nearby. Check out Meaghan’s interview with Rip & Tan (and gorgeous photos and videos from the wedding) here.
1220 Petite Weddings
And finally, my coworking space here in Nashville (that has not functioned as a coworking space since early March) pivoted to focus on the event planning side of their business, called 1220. I caught up with the owner of the property, Colleen, a few months ago and she told me how incredible it has been to host what they call “petite weddings” throughout the pandemic. She’s seen couples go from the extravagant to down-to-earth and low-key, creating a time for them to truly focus on their love and those who love them. 1220 has linked arms with some of the best vendors in Nashville for food, drink, florals and photography, and couples can choose from four packages, all designed to serve up to 20 guests.
Our Wedding: October 29, 2016
On a more personal note, today is my husband and I’s wedding anniversary! Four years ago, we exchanged vows in front of about 95 people — both friends and family — on a sunny, 75-degree day in Colorado. Everyone warns you that something will go wrong during your wedding (and to prepare for it!), and I waited for that the whole time, and nothing ever did go wrong. The whole day was flawless from beginning to end.
I wouldn’t change the day altogether, because it was ours — and it was special for that very reason. However, there are several things I wish I had known going into it — or rather, things I wish I hadn’t placed as much emphasis on. I only had six months to plan it, so I often felt like just saying “yes” to things would help check more items off my list. If I had the opportunity to replan our wedding, there are certainly some things I would omit in retrospect — or at least minimize to some degree.
Plus, now that I’m on the other side of the wedding with a mortgage to pay for, I’m thinking about all the costs we could have saved. According to data from The Knot, the average cost of a wedding and reception in the U.S. in 2019 was $33,900 (including the cost of the engagement ring, but excluding honeymoon expenses). Wow.
These are some things I wish someone had told me before I got married — and things I’ve filed away as I’ve observed more intimate weddings over the years. Here are a few ideas for creating a minimalist wedding of your own!
Please note: I’m not here to rain on your wedding parade whatsoever. I’m simply here to help us reimagine what a more simple wedding can look like — and how beautiful it can actually be.
Your Guide to a Minimalist Wedding
Choose Your Venue Wisely
This is perhaps the most important piece of the puzzle, so let’s start here. Choose your venue wisely so you don’t have to decorate as heavily with tons of props and furniture. If the weather and season allows, choose an outdoor location that acts as its own beautiful, scenic backdrop, like a forest, a beach, a garden, or a field with mountains in the distance. I’ve always thought a greenhouse would make the perfect space for a smaller wedding — you already have the greenery and flowers covered, and you don’t need a plan B in case of rain! You could also go the more traditional route by getting married in a church. If I could redo our wedding, I would definitely consider this chapel in the woods in Arkansas, where a few of my friends have gotten married.
Determine Your Essentials
Everyone has a different list of what’s most important when it comes to their wedding. For me, it was photography and videography, the food, and my dress (although, in retrospect, I definitely would go the second-hand route today). Everything else felt extra, and therefore less important.
Take some time to determine what’s most important to you — what’s worth focusing on, splurging on, or going above and beyond on. And then determine what you can go without. Nowadays, no one really has an expectation for what absolutely has to be at a wedding. Gone are the days of formality and tradition — so there’s no need to conform to some sort of checklist of wedding dos and don’ts.
At the end of the day, all you really need is your fiancé, an officiant and a piece of paper — everything else is up to you!
Keep the Guest List Small
Pandemic or not, you may want to keep your numbers down in order to pull off a more simple wedding. This will allow for a more casual, stress-free environment, resembling an intimate dinner party rather than a large-scale event. Plus, reducing the list will help you spend more one-on-one time with each of your guests.
Source Flowers Yourself
For our wedding, we bought a couple hundred dollars worth of greenery (and some white roses) from the grocery store floral section and my mom arranged them into bouquets the day before the wedding. It worked perfectly — and was a chance for us to save a ton of money. I only wanted greenery and a few simple flowers, so to me, it wasn’t worth it to drop upwards of $1,000 on floral arrangements.
I recommend going with a more wildflower look to keep things simple for flowers. If your wedding is in the spring or summer, you can even hand pick flowers for a true rustic feel. I’ve also seen people use Trader Joe’s bouquets (which range from about $3–9 a piece) for weddings. Here’s a great example!
Go Secondhand
Like I mentioned, although I love my dress, I would definitely go the secondhand route for my dress if I could do it all over again. You wear it for only a few hours of your life and there are so many beautiful, barely worn dresses waiting for a chance to be worn once again. Here in Nashville, there’s a sustainable wedding dress shop named LVD Bridal I’ve had the opportunity to work with before. They have an incredible selection of pre-loved dresses in excellent condition and you can even consign your dress with them after your big day!
I would also consider thrifting a number of elements for your wedding — including decor and servingware (think: vases, plates, cups, etc.) and your bridesmaids’ dresses, if you want a more mix-matched, eclectic look.
Keep Your Cake Simple
This is another thing I wouldn’t change about our wedding. We ordered a plain naked white cake from the grocery store (where we also sourced our greenery and roses) and had the baker place a handful of the greenery and roses on the cake. That’s it! Cake was never on my priority list, so this was an obvious way to keep costs down.
DIY Your Heart Out
To create a truly personalized wedding (and save lots of $!), you’ll want to spend some time getting crafty. And if you’re planning a wedding, I’m sure you spend plenty of time on Pinterest, which is teeming with DIY ideas. Create your own centerpieces (with the natural, AKA free, items we discussed) and other decor.
Decorate With a Few Natural Items
If I were to have one regret from our wedding, it’s this. I wish I hadn’t spent so much time stressing over the decor of our wedding and instead embraced the natural surroundings of Colorado, pulling in some found elements here and there. Keep your centerpieces simple by placing branches or flowers in vases and scattering candles of all sizes along the table. And maybe weave strands of greenery along the table to add some more texture and color. Whatever you do, don’t overthink it or overcrowd it!
Pro Tip: Ask your bridesmaids to put their bouquets in vases filled with water on the tables after the ceremony is over! And you can put your bouquet in a larger vase on the cake table. That’s what we did! It was an easy way to get more use out of the bouquets.
Make Your Favors Meaningful
Some of my favorite wedding favors are ones I’ll actually use — like tea bags, little bags of coffee, candles, etc. You can even kill two birds with one stone by gifting little potted plants you use to decorate the space (or place at each seat!). You could also make Polaroid or photobooth pictures something guests can take home to remember the day!
Be Neutral
This is more of a stylistic point, but “minimalist” weddings typically favor a more neutral, natural palette, like cream, white, taupe, rust, navy or black. I so badly wish I had gone with a more neutral/natural color scheme, as my style has shifted significantly in just four years. Since we had a fall wedding, I would embrace all the subtle fall hues — rust, mustard, taupe, cream, etc.
Register for Things Other Than Physical Gifts
In addition to a traditional gift registry, nowadays, you can create a fund for your honeymoon or ask guests to donate to your favorite charity. This is a way to offer a more experiential option for guests who want to give a gift but don’t know what to give you. It will also reduce the instance of duplicates or gifts you don’t necessarily need. Plus, many couples already have a lot of their basic household needs covered by the time they get married!
Keep the Extras to a Minimum
The wedding industry is packed with “add-ons” and “must-haves” — especially if you’re working with a more all-inclusive venue. Don’t feel pressured to pile on more amenities than you need, like a photobooth, laser beams, fancy lights, chair covers, etc. Trust me — you won’t look back and mention any of these as your favorite part of the day.
Focus on the Sentimental
Incorporate items and moments that are sentimental to you and your partner. Maybe it’s your grandmother’s jewelry, his grandfather’s cuff links, or songs that mean a lot to you both. After all is said and done, you’ll look back on those things fondly in photos and videos. For our wedding, we focused a lot on the music we had in the ceremony (because music is so important to us both). Our bridal party walked out to “Everyday” by Rogue Wave, I walked down the aisle to “Til Kingdom Come” by Coldplay, and we walked out of the wedding to “New Slang” by The Shins, our favorite band. But perhaps the best moment was singing “Be Thou My Vision” with our guests.
Remember What It’s All About
At the end of the day, it’s not about any of the things we discussed. Your wedding is about you, your future spouse, and your love for one another. Don’t let anything else stand in the way of celebrating your love alongside those you love.
Whether you’re planning an extravagant Great Gatsby-esque event or an intimate gathering with the bare essentials, your love is worth celebrating.