Why I Decided to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom
If you’ve been following along, you know that I am currently pregnant with our first baby, who is due in June — less than two months away now!
As we’ve prepared for his arrival, we’ve done all the typical things: created a registry, had a baby shower, signed up for a birth class, set up the nursery, gone on a babymoon, etc. We’ve also thought a lot about how our lives might shift in response to this new addition, as we know this will significantly disrupt our rhythms and routines — which of course includes our working life.
Since I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a mom — specifically a stay-at-home mom. While others had lofty career goals to list off when asked the question “where do you see yourself in five years?” I had ambitions revolving around changing diapers and driving to soccer practice. This deep longing made our fight with infertility that much more painful and the news of our pregnancy through IVF that much more sweet.
So as we look forward to our life as a family of three (well, four if you count Olive, as you should…), I have decided to become a stay-at-home mom. This involves shutting the virtual doors of Holly Violet Creative, a real estate marketing business I started in 2021. While the business was successful and provided so much flexibility, there is no amount of success (monetary or otherwise) that could pull me away from what I’m about to step into. And I have to look back at the last three years of the business with gratitude, realizing it provided both the funds and the flexibility for me to go to more than 35 fertility treatment appointments without having to ask for any time off, which is a luxury I am extremely grateful for.
I also realize choosing to stay home with our baby and any future babies is an extreme privilege, especially in today’s economy and cultural landscape. I understand this decision will impact our financial picture in a massive way and will require a number of different sacrifices for both Brandon and I. The decision to be a stay-at-home mom can come across as old-fashioned at best and anti-feminist at worst, but I believe it is the epitome of feminism: that I feel empowered enough to make a decision that feels right for me and our family.
In fact, I’ve learned through Neha Ruch of Mother Untitled (@motheruntitled on Instagram) that the real privilege is the ability to choose between being a “working mom” in a traditional office setting and a stay-at-home mom (which is also a working mom). That both routes require an immense sense of sacrifice. That both are valid and honorable choices worthy of being supported and celebrated. That neither is a cop out or “less than” in any way — or the wrong choice. Neha has helped empower thousands of women, including myself, to lean into family life, however that looks. She has successfully “rebranded career pauses for motherhood with dignity, growth and potential.”
I’m not sure how long this career pause will last — or how it will look exactly. Maybe I’ll start doing some freelance work here and there or apply for a part-time job down the road. But for now, I’m looking forward to being fully present with our baby boy and any siblings who might come along in the years ahead. I know I am not avoiding work in any way, shape or form, as raising kids is an extremely difficult, full-time, 24/7 job — one that doesn’t come with promotions and raises, or much recognition or appreciation at all. But I have a feeling I will not regret this decision in the end, and that the lonely days and long nights will have been worth it when I look back on these years.
I look back at my own childhood with a similar lens. My mom stayed home with us, and while I don’t remember many details about those days, I do remember she was always present and available. There’s a warm feeling surrounding those early years, and I’m hoping to recreate the same for our baby boy.
Any Other SAHMs Out There?
I would love to know any tips you have for making the SAHM life work for you and your family.
PS As we shift our budget and lifestyle to adjust to our new financial picture, I look forward to sharing more ways to cut back on expenses and keeping things simple in general. Relying on one income will make minimalism that much more necessary for us!