How to Minimize Stress During the Holiday Season

November and December are two of my favorite months of the year — but they can also be some of the most hectic and stressful. And I’m sure you can relate. Amidst the joy and magic of the holidays, there’s also a tendency to overpack the calendar, overcommit, and overextend yourself — physically, emotionally, and mentally. What was originally supposed to be a relaxing and restful season has turned into a commercialized and bastardized shopping spree, focused on accumulating and doing more, more, more. The focus has shifted from love, joy and peace to want, chaos and hurry.

And yet, this is nothing new. Christmas turned into a commercialized holiday long, long ago — arguably, as early as the 1840s. In fact, I grew up hearing the same warning every year: “Remember the reason for the season!” they’d say (while wrapping yet another gift to place under the tree).

There are some staggering statistics related to Christmas that help put this in perspective. According to the latest data from the National Retail Federation (NRF), American consumers spend an average of $997.73 on gifts and holiday items each Christmas. While that includes food and decor, that number doesn’t include all holiday-related expenses, like plane tickets, hotels, money lost taking time off (for non-salaried workers), etc. — so that grand total is likely much more.

Plus, women spend an average of 20 hours shopping for Christmas presents every year, which speaks to the time cost (of half of a normal work week!) dedicated to gift shopping alone. 10% of Europeans go into debt due to Christmas shopping and 41% of Americans are willing to take on debt due to gift shopping. 56% of consumers in the U.S. want to receive a gift card as a present — and that’s probably because 1 in 10 people return their gifts to the store. In fact, the value of unwanted presents every year is estimated to equal $15.2 billion. That’s a lot of waste — and money lost.

To break this cycle, I’m sharing a few ways to minimize stress during the holiday season. It’s important to intentionally set your mindset before you enter this season, so you can focus on what matters most to you — like spending time with friends and family, celebrating the birth of Jesus, etc. And hopefully, you can avoid the shopping craze as much as possible, so you’re left with extra savings, less clutter, and most importantly, feelings of deep contentment and joy.

Make a Plan About Gifts

As mentioned, gift shopping can be a major source of anxiety during the holidays. And it can affect us on both sides of the transaction, as we are searching for gifts for others or anticipating the unwanted gifts others may give us. That’s why it’s important to create a concrete plan for gifts beforehand, so you don’t shop aimlessly or end up with piles of trinkets and toys from grandparents.

When it comes to kids, there are several approaches you can take. You can decide on a set number of gifts per child, like five or so — or maybe even one big gift (like a new bike) or experience (like a trip to Disneyland). I’ve also seen parents get even more specific by gifting two “wants” (like a video game or toy), two “needs” (like a coat or backpack), and two “reads” (a book or puzzle) for each of their kids. The younger you can start this, the better, as expectations around gift receiving will be established!

For those without kids, it’s also important to make a plan for gift shopping well in advance, including who you are buying for this year and what thoughtful gifts you could get them. It’s always helpful to reach out to someone close to each person to get ideas — or just ask the gift receiver directly! The sooner you start searching, the less likely you are to settle on a lame gift at the last minute. (We’ve all frantically paced down the aisles of Target on December 23rd, right?) That way, as the weeks go on, you’re likely to organically encounter something that’s perfect for each particular person at a local shop or from a small business online. Or better yet, you can make something by hand! There’s nothing more meaningful than a personalized painting, a knitted scarf, or some other handmade gift.

Set a Budget — and Stick To It

Those statistics about holiday spending are eye-opening — yet not surprising whatsoever. Personally, we have already spent quite a bit on Christmas decor — and it’s not even Thanksgiving yet! So it’s important to enter the holiday season with a clear boundary set for spending, in the form of a budget spreadsheet with a variety of categories, which might include decor, travel, food, and of course, gifts. Update your spreadsheet as the weeks go on to keep track of your spending and stay on track with your proposed budget. That way, you won’t dip into savings — or worse, go into debt — in order to fund your holiday experience.

Communicate with Friends + Family

One of the most difficult aspects of minimalism is dealing with gift-giving situations with friends and family, including birthdays, Christmas and those “just because” moments. So it’s important to communicate the above-mentioned gift plan with your loved ones in a kind and thoughtful way. You can share that you’re trying to reduce clutter and keep gifts to a minimum in your household this year, whether that’s for your kids, you and your spouse, or just you. Keep in mind that family members typically love to give gifts (especially to little ones!) — but they also (usually) love to support our goals and lifestyle. I’m grateful that all of my family is supportive of our pursuits and would absolutely get on board if we were to ever have this conversation (which we haven’t had to!).

You can also create a wish list with specific items you’ve been wanting, so they don’t have to make a wild guess — and get you something you won’t want or need. Or you could simply let them know you don’t need anything at all this year — and you are just looking forward to spending quality time with them.

NOTE: I understand that this is such a sensitive subject! I’m not saying it’s wise to squash everyone’s dreams of giving you gifts this year, as so many people get such joy out of giving gifts, and it’s something we should be incredibly grateful for. So be sure to approach this conversation with tact and grace — simply redirecting the gift-giving energy into something that will be beneficial for all, whether that’s suggesting a specific gift idea or no gift at all.

Prioritize Experiences Over Gifts

So much of the focus is on gifts this time of year — but my favorite part is by far the experiences leading up to Christmas. That includes decorating our house, going to tree lighting ceremonies, seeing Nutcracker shows, listening to carolers, watching holiday movies, sipping hot chocolate, enjoying meals with family and friends, and going to various Christmas events in town. This year, prioritize these experiences over gifts — and let your budget reflect that!

On that note, you might consider giving experiences as gifts instead of physical items. A few years ago, I put together a list of consumable and experiential gift ideas, like coffee and wine subscriptions, cooking classes, museum or zoo memberships, concert tickets, a massage gift card, and much more.

Learn to Say No + Set Boundaries

But don’t add too many experiences to your to-do list! Before you know it, your calendar will be packed with social get-togethers and events, and you’ll be running on empty by December 25. That’s why it’s wise to protect your calendar so you don’t overdo the holiday festivities. Create plenty of margin in your schedule for simply relaxing at home and recovering from all the happenings. Learn to say “no” to certain invitations in order to say “yes” to the others you have already committed to (something I’m still learning). And if needed, set clear boundaries with friends and family so you can have some down time during this hectic season.

Create a Cozy Atmosphere

Environment is everything when it comes to reducing stress. If you’re anything like me, you need every room to be clean and orderly if you’re going to even think about relaxing at home. After that’s done, spend some time creating a cozy atmosphere in your home or apartment — one you love spending time in. This might include adding a warm blanket, lighting some candles, igniting the fireplace, dimming the lights, putting on some calming music, and making some tea. Winter is the ideal time to stay inside and embrace all things hygge.

Maintain Healthy Habits

You probably are well aware that what we eat directly correlates with our mental and emotional state of being. So when we load our bodies up with sugar and carbs this time of year, we can get irritable, sluggish or even sick. I’m not saying we turn down every Christmas cookie or swap our Thanksgiving feast for a salad — but I’m saying we can reduce the intake of unhealthy foods and stick with our regular workout or eating routine outside of holiday get-togethers. I’ve found it most helpful to not keep any sweets or junk food on hand at home, so I don’t eat an entire bag of popcorn with Peanut M&Ms every night before bed (my current bad habit). That way, you’ll only eat unhealthy things on occasion when you’re out and about and you’ll be nourishing your body the rest of the time.

Plan Regular Phone Breaks

I don’t know about you, but the majority of my anxiety and discontentment related to the holidays comes from the little device you’re (likely) reading this on: the phone. We are bombarded with “can’t-miss” sales, unachievable decor, other peoples’ extravagant holiday experiences — it’s a lot. Create strict boundaries around your phone usage this time of year to minimize that input, so you don’t feel as much comparison or an impulse to buy. That might mean a screen-free weekend, “putting your phone to bed” at 8 p.m., or stepping away from social media for a longer period of time, like a whole week or even a month.

Accept Imperfection + Disappointment

The older I get, the more melancholy I can be during the holiday season, as I mourn the loss of childhood, remember what it was like before my parents got divorced, or feel that we didn’t do enough — ”we missed that light show, we didn’t watch __________ movie, we didn’t fully get in the Christmas spirit.” It’s like I’m trying to relive the magic of what Christmas used to feel like as a kid, and it never quite hits the mark (and never will!). So my advice to myself — and you — is: accept imperfection and disappointment. As much as we plan and organize, things usually pan out differently than expected. And that’s okay. And when those feelings of disappointment or sadness come based on unmet expectations or other factors (like the recent loss of a loved one), give yourself permission and space to feel those things.

Give Back

It’s really easy to go through the entire season staying focused entirely on yourself and what’s happening right around you. But there are so many out there hurting, affected by homelessness, addiction, hunger or other difficulties — and it’s often exacerbated during the holidays. This is an excellent time to give back to your community, whether it’s through donating money to an organization you care about or volunteering at a local shelter or food bank. Every city has fundraisers, events and other ways to get involved this time of year — just do a simple search to get plugged in!

Not to mention, this is an especially stressful time for those working in the service industry. Remain gracious and be extra generous with your tips, especially if you’re at a shop, restaurant or coffee shop on a holiday — which means those workers were unable to get the holiday off. Spread a little extra holiday cheer, whether it’s by simply striking up a friendly conversation with your cashier or leaving a larger-than-usual tip for your barista!

Practice Gratitude

On a similar note, maintaining a grateful heart will counterbalance any feelings of sadness or longing for more. Thanksgiving comes at the perfect time each year, kicking off the holiday season with a distinct focus on expressing gratitude. On this holiday and throughout the rest of the year, make an effort to dwell on all the things you’re thankful for, from small things like sweaters and coffee to larger things like a roof over your head or a job you love. Focusing on what we do have, both material and immaterial, forces us to spend less time dwelling on what we don’t have.

Remember What’s Most Important

At the end of the day, remember what’s most important about the holiday season. For me, that’s celebrating and reflecting upon the miracle of the birth of Jesus — and what his life means for my life today. And for you, that may mean spending quality time with the loved ones you don’t see very often. Our days with family during the holiday season are precious — so don’t let them pass you by, due to preoccupation with trivial things. Constantly draw your attention back to the main thing and you’ll be surprised how little you care about Black Friday sales or having the cutest Christmas decor.

Happy Holidays!

How do you reduce stress during the holidays? I would love to know any tips and tricks, as this is something I am constantly working on myself.